I have realized that I was going to write this at the end of the day, but fuck it. I'll write it now during my dinner break at work.
So, for those of you who don't know, I have been struggling with porn addiction for years, since I was at least 13 around there. I know there are some of you who consider viewing pornography as a normal thing and think all that research about cybersex and porn addiction are piles of bullshit, but really, all of it's true. When I was 13, and all my life really, I was struggling with my two mental disabilities: ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome. At the time, I thought no one soul truly love me the way I thought I'd be loved, and went into weird moods and drew girls a lot, even putting myself in the picture with them. Also, yes, I had real friends, but I wanted something deeper, more wonderful. Then, I found Yahoo and MSN chat rooms to be a wonderful source to find girls who would accept me and love me for me. Unfortunately though, they were quite a long distance away from me, but somehow, I felt a connection. Heck, even in high school, I was nervous and shy around beautiful girls, thus I never dated.
Then, college came. Crazy enough, the whom dating thing didn't start till I was like 21 22 around there and since then, 4 exes and now here alone. Yet, I did meet a girl on AsianDate.com named Yiqi. She seems quite lovely and may we meet soon. Besides doing this for me, that's the other reason why I want to rid myself of pornography: so that I may have a clean slate and mind for her. I shall do things such as meditation, more exercise, and stuff like that in order to fulfill my wish to not be this loser that just jerks off to images on a screen. That is no way to live. Hell, if you dig some, you'll even find that people who participate in pornography-professional or not-don't really enjoy it and find an offensive, disgusting way to make money. Thus, I say farewell for now, and may I have better days to come.
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